Belonging

Quito, Equator - Advivum Journeys - International Women's Day
About this submission:
“I met this woman in a shop doorway in Quito, Equator. Poking my head in, I saw the walls covered with the most wonderful hand-stitched tablecloths. Every colour you could think of. The result was a collage of joy that left me feeling like a guest at a family celebration. This woman sat on the wooden chair outside the shop and I could not stop looking at her. Her very essence matched the abundance I had just seen inside. In her eyes there was an invitation … to see her…to be seen… and to share a moment in which she seemed to find delight. She had beckoned me over in a way that invited me into her world. Her focus never seemed to be on introducing me to the goods in the shop, rather it seemed to be in sharing a happy exchange. I felt drawn into a connection – Shop keeper to customer? Seeker to wise woman? Gypsy-soul to gypsy-soul? Who knows? Despite my ardent attempts to communicate with her, anything beyond indicating that I loved the beautiful colours was beyond my vocabulary so, in the end, a little flustered, I simply asked to take her picture. She smiled, and then really smiled. I honestly don’t know what adorns her more, her necklace or those laugh lines around her eyes. Both embellish her energy and her warmth which seem to tumble out. I took the picture, returned her smile and then in the same way that you can be surprised by a burp, I threw back my head in a whole-hearted, “I love this world” laugh. She then waved her hand at my head, in a kind of benevolent blessing, and I left feeling like we had managed the conversation after all. That was years ago, and I still think of her smile. What I am struck by is how generous she was at that moment. I don’t know what kind of insecurities she had; I don’t know what kind of life she had led. I don’t know what self-talk plagued her if she mourned her lost youth or how she judged herself on a good day or a bad one. But whatever reasons she might have found for being guarded or defensive when meeting a stranger, she didn’t go there. Instead, she left the veil aside and simply let me in. Gifting me with the greatest generosity of spirit; there she is, open, authentic, unguarded. When are my unguarded moments? Oh ya, take a photo of me and you’ll immediately see the skin tighten beside my eyes in a reflex akin to a lizard’s. I am suddenly thinking about who you are seeing while you look through the lens instead of who I was being such that you thought you should take a picture in the first place. In an effort to hide and not be so vulnerable I find the right “pose” for you. I hold my head and smile… and I take a pretty good photo. But do I let you in? Do I let you see and capture the part of me that really holds the smile? Not before that day, I didn’t. What do I hide? Oh, you name it…a sense of failure, imposter syndrome, and insecurities. I don’t want to seem egotistical- so I don’t show my gifts. I don’t want to seem silly – so I don’t show my quirks. I don’t want to seem too artsy, intellectual, wishy-washy, old, emotional, airy-fairy, plump, self-important, not-in-control …(okay, the list goes on, but you get the point…). The point is I don’t want you to see those things, so I manipulated who you see. And in doing so I close the door. And in closing the door I had created my own world of being disconnected and alone. But here’s the thing, People have to see you in order to welcome you in. Since that day, I practice allowing myself to be seen – to show up with the ultimate gift- an offering of generosity and authenticity. By inviting you in for a cup of tea with my soul, I have come to realize that more often than not, it is connection that follows. So I try to look right down the barrel of that lens of yours, to hold your eye contact across the table, to engage in your conversation and if I don’t speak your language, to share my heart in a smile. I simply fight to stay present and be generous with the door that I hold open. See what you will. In letting myself be seen, I have found the gateway to belonging. This woman created connection with me in an instant. And as only wise women can do, she gave me the lesson of a lifetime; When you smile, throw the door wide open- dare to belong.”
What is your company doing to support women?
Advivum Journeys strongly believes in supporting women in the communities in which we hold our retreats. Wherever possible we purchase food and supplies from female-owned and operated vendors. We have had aunties in Hawaii join us to offer teachings about their culture and receive their wisdom. We hire female retreat staff from all over the world and have found writers, mentors, chefs and co-facilitators right in the communities we are being hosted in. Many of these women have stayed with Advivum Journeys for future retreats.
What can women travellers do to support other women when they travel?
As women travellers, I believe that supporting other women, especially with the anxiety around travelling again, post-pandemic, is so important. Creating safe spaces for women to travel, offering women-only retreats and encouraging women to truly engage with the experience of travel are some of the things that, as an Epiphany Designer (aka Master Life Coach), I do daily. Offering women the courage to dare to live their best lives, and supporting women in the discovery of their own epiphanies are things that matter dearly to me.
Two women stop to take a photo while on a hiking trip. Traveling more sustainably is one way women can make a difference in travel.
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